Vamped

Martin Kowalski is an eighty-year-old man stuck in a twenty-year-old body. He works the graveyard shift. He has a poster of Bela Lugosi on his wall and a box of uneaten Count Chocula in his pantry. He drinks stem-cell-derived blood from cleverly packaged and marketed juice boxes. He is, in short, a vampire. But since his wildly successful scheme to turn as many mortals as possible into vampires -- "e;vamp"e; them rather than kill them -- resulted in a new immortal majority, Marty finds little of interest to fill his countless days. From the deeply imaginative mind of David Sosnowski -- who gave us the critically acclaimed junkie-angel classic Rapture -- bursts this neo-vampire novel studded with pint-size vampires known as "e;screamers"e; (children who were vamped and are none too happy about it); priest vampires who helped convert their flock into lifetime members of the Church; stripper vampires who lap-danced their way into customers' veins; and one very small, very outspoken human girl. When Marty decides to end his endless life of soul-crushing ennui -- call it vampire affluenza -- a three-foot blond obstacle is thrown in his path: Isuzu Trooper Cassidy, a refugee from a human hunting preserve. At first he thinks "e;midnight snack,"e; but before the sun comes up, Isuzu is the one snacking on his prized cereal collection as she charms him into staying undead long enough to raise her in a world rife with danger and almost entirely populated by vampires yearning for the taste of real human blood. The critics applauded David Sosnowski when Rapture was published, saying he "e;staked out a patch of turf somewhere between Franz Kafka and Douglas Adams."e; Now with Vamped, Sosnowski takes on a time-honored genre and breathes new life into it by turning Martin Kowalski's vampire world upside down and telling his story with rich, masterful, and frequently hilarious prose.